Category Archives: Humour

My Favourite Bizzare Cricket Moments

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My Favourite Bizzare Cricket Moments

I don’t think too many people will argue with me when I say cricket is a complicated game. Cricket’s rules are ancient and unyielding just like the law in the real world and at time’s you find that things get really complicated out there on the field. Some of the things I’m going to discuss with you are part of cricket folk-lore and will probably never be seen on the field of cricket ever again. Thanks to YouTube we can all witness these moments again and again and so I’ve attached videos for your viewing pleasure as well.

1) The new super bat!

Dennis Lillee will always be remembered as one of the world’s most feared fast bowlers, so it is surprising that he was the one who decided to try to reinvent the age-old wooden bat. His new super bat of the future which he claimed would hit the ball further was made of aluminum. The only problem with his idea was that he didn’t invent a new ball, because the aluminum bat served to damage the traditional leather ball thus making the game unplayable.

2) But my arm’s straight ump!

A basic rule of cricket is that a bowler deliver the ball with a straight-arm action, otherwise we might as well be playing base-ball. Now, Lasith Malinga put a new twist on this by keeping his arm straight but horizontal, you might think he’s amazing for doing this but here’s someone who is more amazing, Trevor Chappell. Trevor you could say was the victim of peer pressure when he was asked by his two older brothers Ian and Greig to bowl an underarm delivery so New Zealand couldn’t score the six they needed of the last ball and win the game. Now, the odds of a New Zealander hitting a six in regular conditions is bad enough so in my opinion the New Zealand team should take it as a compliment that the Australians would stoop so low.

Although this incident was disgraceful it’s always good to see how this stuff is actually remembered after a great deal of time has past. More recently, Glenn McGrath thought it would be funny to do it again and Billy Bowden thought being a ballerina for a day would be his ticket out of the umpiring business.

3) Wait Sri Lankan’s can’t fly!

Whether Angelo Mathew’s ends his career as the greatest cricketer ever or as a guy who flopped worse than Courtney Walsh’s batting record at least he will always have his moment in the spotlight. I don’t know how many status updates Facebook had when he decided to do this but I remembered mine went something like, “is it a bird, is it a plane, No it’s Angey.” The way I see it he’s not just acrobatic in the way he pulls this off, but he’s intelligent too, because he probably only had a split second to come up with this plan as the ball was hurtling towards him. Then again he also has to be comfortable enough with looking like a fool in case he messes up!

4) Who’s out anyway?

The third umpire has a tough job, he has the ultimate ruling over whether a batsemen is out in the event that the naked eye fails to produce a decision. In this scenario you would think he had it relatively easy since it’s obvious that the guy is out because both batsmen are at one end, but who is the guy?

5) Let’s call in the lawyers!

Cricket needs its own lawyers, this incident with Mark Waugh proves it. It would probably go to far to ask them to stop the game and start a court case to see if Waugh is guilty but it shows that intentions and premeditation does matter in cricket. In this video Mark knocks of the bails of his wickets while facing pollock, out right! Don’t be so sure?

6) Match cancelled due to bees!

Speaks for itself….

Only in Sri Lanka….

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So does this mean I have the job? (Me thinking to myself)

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I recenty had an interview and really consider myself good at interviews. Not to toot my own horn but I can definitely pretend to speak intelligently about a subject I have no idea about at length, or in other words “I can talk a lot of bull!” So I must be good at interviews, right? So how do you decide when an interview has gone well or not, usually at the end of it if you’re given a warm handshake and a compliment followed by a “we’ll be in contact shortly” you can say it went well. However if the interview ended with both of you scrambling for the fire extinguisher, well not as good. Here is a small guide for a succesful interview –

– Don’t get caught trying to pick up the receptionist before the interview

Ikea Job Interview lol

– Lie

– Don’t get caught lying

– Say Yes to everything

– Don’t be yourself

– Don’t have the name Ralph or look like a Ralph

I do not personally endorse any of this material and will not be held responsible for damages to anyone stupid enough to listen to some or all of it.

Well I followed the steps perfectly minus the first one but nobody’s perfect.Yet the problem with this interview was that it ended so vaguely ( like a blackhole vague). The interviewer ended by talking to me about the next step and how I should come in and get a feel for the place meet the people and have a look at their books. Rather unnatural, so I was thinking to myself is he asking me to come in for a 3rd interview ( I had already been in once before) or did he just give me the job, or is leaning towards doing so?

Now any person with an ounce of common sense should know you must not ask the interviewer “SO DID I GET THE JOB” at the end of the interview. But this ending was such a cliffhanger I was so tempted to do so, it was like at the end of a soap opera episode, you have all these unanswered questions. Who’s baby is it? Why did you kill him? What’s in the note? So did I get the job?

Job Seeking Caveman Style

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if I did, yah that would be the rational and adult thing to do. Or I could show up at the office on Monday suited up and barking orders like I’m the new manager and see if anyone trys to stop me, if they don’t the jobs a given. I consider the second option a more caveman stlye to job hunting, kinda like knocking a girl on her head with a club and dragging her back to your cave. Just go out there and take that job. I look at what I have written just now and feel I must be going NUTS!! So I’ll stop writing now.

A night with the Duchess of Cambridge (In My Dreams)

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Me Dreaming

Dreams are a wonderful thing, but what the hell are they? According to Wikipedia a dream is, “a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep.” Ok, but why do they happen, what do they mean and why can’t I seem to remember them when I wake up? Also why do I care? Oh wait that’s easy.

Last night I had a vivid and extremely realistic dream about me and the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. Now I know what you’re thinking, “PSYCHO”, but hold on just a moment. I don’t care about her one bit, I know nothing about her and I don’t even find her attractive, so why then is she in my dream!

Kate Middleton the Duchess of Cambridge

So from what I could recall the dream went something like this, I seem to be at a formal dinner with the royal couple and a bunch of other royal follies and sitting between Kate and William, don’t ask why just believe it! Me and Kate seem to be getting along well to Williams dismay, we talk about how awesome I am and her Issey Miyake outfit and then without any warning she goes in for the lip lock, AWESOME!!! But wait her hubby isn’t exactly happy, I look at his angry face and squeal like a mouse, “Sorry bro.” Unfortunately this is where my recollection ends. Maybe Prince William throws me in some tower or something, but I like to think he realizes that I could offer her a much better life and steps graciously aside.

So me being me I go onto a dream website to see what my dream really means. I browse through the common dream types, cheating & sex dreams, homosexual dreams, terrifying dreams etc. To my dismay I discover there is no section for Kate Middleton, bummmer. So far I’m not doing well in my search for answers I’m clearly not Sherlock Holmes, time to call in the big guns.

I call a psychic network hoping some of their highly trained, super gifted and cat loving psychics can help me out. A lady named madam Suzette picked up and immediately just from the sound of my voice she could tell I was a guy, AMAZING! So now that I have confirmed I’m dealing with an actual psychic I tell her about my dream.

Madam Suzette (or any other average psychic)

She tells me it’s most probably dream telepathy, that Kate has somehow got to know about me and is projecting herself into my dreams cause she wants me real bad. I feel this is an extremely rational explanation given I do have a blog and people in England read it and one of these might be Kate. I thank madam Suzette for her time and put down the phone, the call had cost me about $40 so I’m just glad it was money well spent and I have an answer to my question.

So Kate darling, baby if you’re reading this I just want you to know that it’s never going to happen babe. It’s not you, it’s me I would just be holding you back, you can do so much better than me you need to open your wings and fly like a butterfly. Will isn’t all that bad sure he’s loosing his hair day by day and he isn’t half as awesome as I am but he’s ok, I hear he’s a prince of something or the other. Have a nice life, yours in awesomeness Keith.